The Tea God

Prayers received by The Tea God :

Genesis:

1. In the beginning:
   1. For was it not prophesied that there would come unto fayre Albion a man made God of Tea?
   2. And in the merry month of May did not the Holy Mother return from whence the child was born unto the mystic town of New Marske?
   3. And did not then the wise Grandfather of the boychild takeforth the child from the arms of the Holy Mother and give the lad tea?
   4. And ten years passed as the art of tea was shown to the lad by one skilled in secrets of the pot who shall forever be known as the Grand Father of the Pot.
   5. And in a dream the Tea God said unto his Bishop, 'In the beginning was the Herb and the Herb was tea".
   6. And the Bishop said that it was good.
   7. For is there not the Holy Trinity of Herb, Milk & Cup that are the three divine aspects of The Tea God incarnate, made flesh in Albion thru the sacred Tea of the Bishop?
   8. And verily the Tea God then said unto the Bishop, 'Go forth from this place of kettles and leaf and show the doers of wrong and misschiefs the evil of their bitter ways. Let them know the Herb, for they shall come to Love the Herb'.
   9. And the Bishop went forth with tea in his heart and verily he opened his heart to all who would listen and he showed them the way of the Lord.
   10. And they made him tea.
   11. And he said that it was good.

The Gospel According to Marlow

1. On Tolerance:
   1. And the multitude did spread across the face of the earth, from the deserts of Qu'a'Mann to the dark firey hills of Darlington, and cast the Good Leaf into innumerable boiling pots.
   2. For in many ways was the God of Tea reveered, and there did come forth the Ciriclees, who did say, in a Circle is His image and so shall he be brewed.
   3. And great and plentiful were the bounties of the Circle Bag for lo! it fitteth the shape of the mug as the Tea God most loved it and moveth with ease therein to dispense its fragrance.
   4. But others naysayed the Circle and ascribed Pyramid form to the Tea God, and did love him thus even though a great many did scoffeth at their worship.
   5. And for a time the Pyramidites were a foresaken people, and across the land there was howling and singing with scorn each time their tea-bag splitteth, for in the beginning monies had been insufficiently pledged at the altar of Research and Design.
   6. Yea, though delicate was the hand of the brewer, the teaspoon was lured to disengorging the Pyramid edges and spilling forth the inner contents.
   7. But still on the Pyramidites the Tea God smileth in His love, and he spoke to them saying "If thou truly loveth the Tea, thy wife shall overlook the stray leaves peppered in thy teeth. Yea, even so shall she allow you to anoint her loins with your seed".
   8. To the mockers, the Tea God spoke, saying "In many shapes and many forms the gift of the leaf may be dispensed, for did thou not once also breathe its smoke at a tender and impressionable age, and even in that moment did swear it Good?"
   9. And the mockers were silenced but in their hearts they still smote the Pyramidites as silly bastards.
   10. And then it came to pass that the Circlees did revere the Tea God, and brought forth a new form in which His grace should be dispensed.
   11. And the Circlees did bring forth twine and apportioned it to the Bag.
   12. And worshippers seize'd the string and elevated the bag above the boiling waves, and the Tea God was for a moment bemused.
   13. And the Circlee King constrict'ed the string to bring forth the magnificence of the tea-flavour, but much tea dribbleth, yea even onto the very sideboard, and the Tea God was displeased.
   14. And he did summon forth the Circlees and said to them: "Had my will been that thee strangle thy tea thy mugs would I have bade thee to kit out with little reels".
   15. "For from there thee might have cut the bind with which thy work be done".
   16. "See in thy cutelry drawer that thy forfathers before you did employ, doest thou espy the reel? Nay, but doest thou espy the teaspoon drawer? Yea, and there is verily no implement that thou shalt clasp in pressing thy sack of goodness than the teaspoon".
   17. So the twine of the Circlees was cast aside and the despoiled tea bags rent asunder.
   18. For the Tea God declaimeth: "Thou must tolerate thy neighbour but thou shalt not allow him to despoil thy formica top with false offerings from the market".

The Psalms of the Tea God

1. On the incarnation:
   1. And the Lord said, "Make the tea".
   2. And verily the man man with thirst did put the brew on. And the tea was good.
   3. And then the Lord said, make more tea, but now the man who had drunk from the cup of tea miserly replied, "I'll put the kettle on if you make the tea".
   4. "For is it not true", he did evily maintain, "that I made the last pot?"
      
2. On Hardship:
   1. And then The Lord in his wrath warned, "Milk is getting low."
   2. And he said unto the quaffers, "Thy Tea is getting stewed."
   3. And loadly he did chastise the cheeky young drinkers saying, "There are not enough cups to go round."
   4. "And there is not enough water in the kettle."
      
3. On Pain:
   1. And so the Tea God cursed, "Then thou shalt drink nothing but the bitter fruits of the coffee till the end of thy days or until they repent of thy evil and offer cups of Tea in endless supplication."
   2. "And when you venture forth to visit other souls in this accursed land, you will find only miserable Happy Shopper 'tea' will now fill your cup."
   3. "And there will forever be no milk or any other accompanyment such as sugar to lighten your thirst"
   4. "And thy tea caddy will forever be empty."
      
4. On Redemption:
   1. And the multitude cried out unto the Holy Pot, "What can we do to save our souls from the taste of all that is bitter and rancid?"
   2. And the Lord said unto the cursed people, "Whenever thou has a guest in thy house, thy must offer him tea that he may drink and be happy, for Tea is for life and not just the mornings."
   3. And if that guest is a Preacher of the art of Tea, then thou must always make the tea with joy for is it not said it is better to brew up than to go thirsty?
   4. And so the Tea God blessed the followers of the noble art of Tea, and gave forth the secret of the Holy Pyramid and henceforth all was PG in the land.
   5. For is it not true that a mug of tea once forgotten and thence rediscovered is thrice blessed?

The Acts of the Scientists

1. On the health imbibing properties of the Holy Leaf:
   1. Women who drink tea find it easier to conceive, suggest researchers in California. A team at the Kaiser Permanente Medical Care Program of Northern California in Oakland found that women who were trying to get pregnant and drank at least half a cup of tea a day were twice as likely to succeed as would-be mothers who didn't drink tea (American Journal of Public Health, vol 88, p 270).

      The researchers suggest that chemicals in tea called polyphenols and xanthines aid the development of eggs and embryos. But unknown lifestyle factors linked to tea drinking might also be important.

2. Lore concerning the Holy Brew:
   1. Expert advice says that you should use freshly drawn water every time you make a pot of tea or coffee. Why is this? What is wrong with water that has been boiled twice? Can anyone tell the difference?
      1. The reason that freshly boiled water is more effective for making tea than water boiled twice is that the fresh water has a higher oxygen content. This should result in a tastier cuppa because more tea will be extracted from the tea leaves. This can be easily demonstrated by placing a measured amount of tea leaves in two glass tumblers and adding freshly boiled water to one and repeatedly boiled water to the other. Examination of both tumblers after three minutes will reveal a much stronger brew from the freshly boiled water. J.R.STAFFORD, Marks & Spencer, London.
      2. I was told, as a child, that the reason for using freshly drawn water to make tea was because the dissolved oxygen made the tea taste better. Water which has been standing or, worse, had been boiled contained less dissolved oxygen. The British Standard 6008, which describes in great detail how to make a cup of tea, says that the water must be freshly boiling but does not say anything about it being freshly drawn. It also says that the milk should be put in the cup first to avoid scalding it. As this British Standard is identical to International Standard ISO 3103, the supplementary question is why can't I get a decent cup of tea abroad? N.C.FRISWELL, Horsham, West Sussex.
      3. The traditional explanation for making tea with freshly boiled water is that prolonged boiling drives off the dissolved oxygen, making the tea taste "flat". My own experiments with water simmered for an hour against freshly boiled water produced little perceptible difference, even though high-quality leaf tea was used and brewed for five minutes. I would be surprised if the difference was of the slightest practical importance for tea made by dunking a tea bag, especially if the water had merely been boiled twice. D.EDGE, Hatton, Derbyshire.
      4. I see that at least one reader remains unconvinced on the need to use freshly boiled water for tea. Once, during an emergency overseas, we were instructed to boil all drinking water for several minutes. It didn't seem to affect the tea. However, we decided that it would be a good idea to use a domestic pressure cooker to raise the water temperature to beyond boiling point to sterilise the water thoroughly. This was fine when used for drinking or cooking, but when we tried using it for making tea the result was absolutely dreadful. On the other hand, I have drunk tea at an altitude of 2100 metres where, of course, the boiling point is lower than 100 °C, but I noticed no difference in the taste. Nor did my tea-planter hosts make any comment on the point. Pressure-cooked water apart, I think the length of time the tea is allowed to infuse is a more critical factor. A.C.ROTHENEY, East Grinstead, Surrey.
      5. Your correspondent A.C.Rothney may be surprised to hear that his/her shiny pressure cooker probably caused his/her nasty tea. Dissolved aluminium in the water, not the higher temperature to which the water had been subjected, is the reason the tea tasted awful. In the days when most kettles were made of aluminium they carried instructions to prepare the new kettle by repeatedly boiling fresh water and then discarding it. Only then should the first pot of tea be made with fresh water. During these repeated boilings, a patina of dull oxide built up inside the kettle and prevented the water dissolving the pure aluminium. L.ENGLISH, London.
      6. The preference for fresh water when making tea has little to do with oxygen but is related to dissolved metal salts (mainly calcium and magnesium bicarbonates, sulphates and chlorides) which are present as impurities in tap water and affect the colour and taste of tea. The effect of metal salts on the colour of tea can be demonstrated by comparing a brew made with freshly boiled pure water (deionised or melted freezer frost) with tea made with freshly boiled tapwater. The salts in tapwater give a darker brew, which is cloudier as a result of precipitated insoluble salts such as tannates.

         Boiling tap water destabilises the bicarbonates (so-called temporary hardness) which precipitate out as insoluble carbonates on cooling (this is why a kettle furs up with time). In hard-water areas, where more dissolved salts are present, repeated boiling and cooling will remove sufficient calcium and magnesium salts, although boiling for a long time without cooling has less effect.

         There are three reasons why repeatedly boiled and cooled water can produce a less palatable tea. First, some of the precipitated carbonate remains in suspension, even after reboiling, as a white scum (particularly noticeable in new plastic kettles) and this taste is more marked than bicarbonates dissolved in water--especially when the scum interacts with the tea.

         Secondly, the salts in the water which are not destabilised by boiling (so-called permanent water hardness) are gradually concentrated by evaporation, producing unpleasant flavours.

         Finally, traces of metals, such as iron and copper, can accumulate in repeatedly boiled water and these can interact with oxygen and reducing agents in the tea (phenols) by complex redox reactions to produce further effects on flavour. M.V.WAREING, Braintree, Essex.

      7. As a caffeine addict, I suffer severe headaches if I go more than a day without my cups of tea. To conserve fuel on hikes lasting a number of days, I tried leaving a tea bag in a bottle of cold water for few hours. It worked. Not only did it give me my fix of caffeine, but it tasted like tea, albeit cold tea. I haven't yet tried making such a cold infusion, then heating it in a microwave, but it should prove quite drinkable. S.CURTIS, Hawthorne, Queensland.
      8. I read your reply to this question with dismay. The truth runs counter to A. C. Rothney's ideas.

         My father was a tea taster and faultless at detecting whether we had boiled the water for too long. How did he do it?

         Hard waters (and most waters do have some mineral salts in solution causing hardening) brew slower than soft or alkaline waters. If you boil hard water for considerably longer than the standard half a minute or so, more of the dissolved salts deposit themselves on the inside of the kettle. The emerging water is then softer than expected and softer than the tea taster balanced the tea blend for. It will brew quicker and with a darker colour than usual.

         Tea manufacturers ensure constant performance by balancing their blend differently for sale in different water areas of the country, even where the brand label is the same. Hard water can be artificially softened with a pinch of bicarbonate of soda, but the dramatic darkening of the colour and change of flavour are unacceptable to most people-- including tea tasters. B.HOWLETT, Loughton, Essex.

   Please email comment and further secret verses of lore to the High-Priest@TheTeaGod.com